Datchworth 3rd XV 8 Harlow 4th XV 10

Merit Table 

On arriving at Datchworth the lady physio asked us if we were playing the 2s, alarm bells should have rung.  We had  travelled with a full team and a couple of subs, this had been 4 but dropped for Xmas shopping.  We got changed and off we went, warming up a full 40 minutes before kick off was a novel experience.

The hunt for a replacement hooker lasted about 30 seconds, no one could be tricked into volunteering, even Freddy Lloyd was not having it.  From a personal perspective it would have been nice not to play there, my appearance was likened to an origami paper folding, after each scrum I  stood up and tried to go back to my original shape.

  The referee came over for his pre-match chat, he explained that we had to release the ball after the tackle and then no-one could touch it except the scrum-half, the speed at which this was supposed to happen was sort of World Cup/Super 14s(he did warn us).  We won the toss and elected to play downhill with the sun behind us, from the kick off the ball was knocked on and we had the first of many scrums.  It is not often that the 4^th team meets its match in size and weight, but we did.  On close inspection the pack was very large and quite fit, for the whole game all the Datchworth hooker had to say was, “get lower”.  After the first scrum we realised that our pack had no advantage at all and that we were in for a rough ride.  Last time we played Datchworth the backs scored all the points, they had taken steps to prevent this happening again by drafting in some quite large backs.  The game was evenly matched until Mumbles breaking through on his own was tackled around his neck(in my own, humble opinion, not overly dangerously.) We appealed to the ref who had already blown the whistle “Not a try scoring opportunity” then he sent the Datchworth full back to the sin bin.  From the penalty we tried a Danny special but he was tackled close to the line.  From the ruck the ball came to Aunty who scored, burrowing over(no diving or anything like that.) We converted leaving the score at 7-0.

Datchworth were a well drilled side and used their larger players to punch up the middle, they squandered a scoring opportunity when The Hammer stopped one of their players in his tracks when they had a  2 on 1overlap (bloke he put flat on his back was probably 5 times his weight and three times his size).

Datchworth scored next when after a concerted effort one of the forwards crashed over to score from close range, this was not converted 7-5.  Datchworth got a penalty in front of the posts in the second half after repeated pressure they opted to kick and took the lead, 8-7.  At the beginning of  the second half another Datchworth player went to the sin bin, I can’t remember what for.  We were unable to make much use of the extra player. One of the reasons for this was that the line out was struggling, having been penalised for jumping before the ball was in at the very start of the game, we tried to mix the line out about a bit.  All I could see was the Datchworth jumper reaching across about 5 foot with his elastic arms and nicking the ball, this limited our possession, and ball for the backs.  Gaggy at scrum half was giving Rob as much ball as possible, their back row was very quick to get across to Rob, almost superhuman speed at times.

We scored our last points when Crabby stepped up to take a penalty close to the posts, allowing for the wind which had blown at gale force for the whole game he slotted it cleanly between the posts.

The last 15 minutes were very interesting, Datchworth piling on the pressure, even crossing the line only to be called back for not taking the tap penalty from the right place.  The referee had warned both sides about talking too much.  Swampy stayed on the pitch by apologising to the ref, for suggesting that he was allowed, as tackler, to try and get the ball.  The apology was worth its weight in gold, as the ref informed him that he would have gone off(great restraint from a man who commonly froths at the mouth and I don’t mean the ref).  The Datchworth skipper was sin binned for illegal use of the feet on our number 8, Aunty jumped up and declared he had not been the victim of a shoeing, to no avail, off he went.  The only thing I can think of was that he made an attempt but did not land.  Moments later another yellow card, the Datchworth scrum half who had been warned by the ref, muttered something like “rucking anchor” as he retreated, and off he went.  The ref informed him that it was only the paperwork that stopped him getting a red.  There was still more to come, as we bashed up the pitch via our backs, “someone” muttered an obscenity about the decision, the ref turned identified Rupert who had been on the pitch all of 60 seconds and gave him a yellow card.  In all fairness we had been warned and the ref agreed that while it may not have been him, someone had to go( he suggested that the culprit would own up to save Rupert mmmmmm!) he then informed Gaggy that it was his fault for not talking to the team.

In all fairness to the ref, he told us what he expected us to do and penalised both sides when we didn’t do it.  We shut up quicker than they did for the rest of the game and conceded less penalties.

Humorous moments-Danny Fitz tackling the opposition fly half and leaving him lying on the floor holding his ribs accusing Danny Fitz of being overweight.  Apparently it sounded like a xylophone when he hit the floor.

Freddy running straight into Chris Powell and knocking him flat on his back( you only had the whole of the rest of the pitch to play with Freddy)

Discovering that Danny Fitz and Chris Powell could not save me from the hooker, I am still trying to get the height back where he squashed me.  More scrummaging moments, Crouch, touch Pauuuuuuuuuuuuusssssssssssse(10 seconds later), Engage, led to a clash of heads, we were warned to engage on the E word.

The Datchworth scrum half pleading with the ref to speak to Aunty about his “shoeing” which did not happen.

Datchworth, not being able to use their other sub as he had gone on for the 1^st team.

Watching “The Hammer” fold some huge lump over, stopping a try being scored.

MOTM- Swampy was tireless in his tackling again, even after seeing stars after a head/boot collision(accidental in fairness)  The backs defended tirelessly with Rob, Mumbles, Freddy, Crabby, Hammer, Gaggy, Karl all tackling as if their lives depended on it.  The forwards- Front row Karl, Wingco, Aunty and Rob Spinks making his debut at flanker.

COTM-Rupert for only staying on the pitch for 60 seconds and being sin binned.

Just as a final note in case anyone thinks I am moaning about my opposite number, check out the match report for Datchworth against Old Ashmoleans, and you will see what the problem was, his photo accompanies the report.

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